Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Translations from Unsuck It

The Unsuck It website has some impressive translations from workplace jargon into plain English.

(Inclusion in these examples does not indicate that I approve or condone the underlying sentiment.)

Here are some examples:

Utilize - The insecure person's pseudo-fancy way of saying "use", e.g. "My dentist utilizes all the popular social media channels to improve his patient interactions."

Cascade - Sharing information by peeing down the org chart, e.g. "We have some new information that you need to cascade to your teams.

Punt - Finish later, e.g. "We only have three requests for that bug fix. Let's punt it to the next major release."

Outside the box - Unconventional. But in a way that won't challenge anyone or get me fired. Also, I'm too lazy to think of useful descriptors, e.g. "Here are some effective Facebook Marketing Campaigns that will get you thinking outside the box!"

Vanilla - Boring, sensible or intelligible, e.g. "Trade in your vanilla marketing for another, more exciting flavor! Think outside the box for the benefit of your marketing plan."

Empower - Assign a menial or unpleasant responsibility to someone, particularly to a low-status individual or group, e.g. "The corporate world should empower vulnerable and orphaned children as they can contribute meaningfully to the development of the country."

Facilitate - Help.

Pencil in - Schedule, with the understanding that you are going to flake at the last minute in favor of someone more important.

Elephant in the room - Obvious, overlooked problem, e.g. "She is never afraid to call out the elephant in the room."

Value proposition - The central, most important lie you tell your customers about your product, e.g. "Directors provide the leadership and vision to continuously update their brands' value proposition, value delivery system, and competitive positioning."

Paradigm - Trumped up concept recently coined as a substitute for actual innovation, e.g. "This new paradigm cuts through techno-jargon and targets the common sense marketing-driven requirements for creating a website designed to grow a business."

Traction - Forward motion in generating PR spin, e.g. "Growth investments over the last six months are achieving traction in exposing a larger audience."

Social media strategy - Typing into text areas, e.g. "Here's a ten-step guide to developing a killer social media strategy for your company."

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